Kids and Procrastination

Kids and procrastination.

When children are asked, "Why don't you do what you are suppose to do when you are asked to do it?" the standard answer is "I don't know." Kids do not have the vocabulary or the insight to know why they procrastinate, let alone explain it in a way that an adult can comprehend. So, the first important information to get from your child is the answer to the question, "What does procrastination mean to you?"

Children, like adults pay a high price for procrastination. Their self-esteem and confidence is damaged. They feel like losers and tend to not want to finish projects they have already started. This is because they are punished by their parents, family members, and school officials. They are ridiculed by their peers. There is no question that children experience the same feelings and events as adults regarding procrastination. The only difference between the two is the age of the participants. In my experience in working with adults they also do not know why they procrastinate, some think it is in their DNA, or they think they are lazy, but procrastination is a habit or learned behavior. In both cases procrastination keeps children and adults from reaching their goals personally and professionally.

Keep in mind several issues when dealing with childhood procrastination:

• Children do not usually think there is a problem with what they are doing or not doing;
• They do not want to change;
• They have the attention span of a light bulb;
• You may not be able to communicate to them on their level that there is a problem with what they are doing (time to see a professional);
• Your children may just be emulating what it is they see you do;
• Sometimes children procrastinate to get attention.

If your kids are not getting their chores done, or need to be reminded of what to do to get ready for school, write out the steps and post your list where the kids can see it. For children who are too young to read, cut out pictures from magazines of a child doing what it is you want them to do. Get the child to help with the list. It is normal to have to remind a child occasionally about their duties, but when they have to be frequently reminded of what to do and how to do it, then it crosses the line and becomes a problem with procrastination.

Children with learning problems may develop an aversion for frustrating learning tasks, and they generalize this to practically any frustrating activity and it is best to consult a mental health professional.

Some unstructured and poorly organized families model ways to act inefficiently and ineffectively. Children learn from observing and imitating their parents. Some children grow up under conditions where procrastination is the norm. Depending on the situation childhood conditions may or may not contribute to habits of adult procrastination.

Here is a beginning sample priority list:

• Develop house rules for work now, play later;
• Put away jackets, change clothing, and put-away backpacks except for those things needed to do homework;
• Do chores;
• Put out clothes for bedtime;
• At bedtime, put out clothes to be put on in the morning for school;
• Some negative consequences might be experienced if certain chores are not completed;
• Do this all with a sense of humor.

Encourage your child by having rewards built into your house rules. The rules of the house should support doing tasks right away. The payment of consequences should be tied in with the rewards, such as a loss of privilege or punishment.

Children are overwhelmed very easily and the thought of cleaning their entire bedroom may be ominous. What might help in this situation is to breakdown the job into more manageable pieces by picking one area at a time. But attempt to get them to do the worst part of the job first and work toward the easier areas. However, depending on how overwhelmed they are and the age of the child it might be better to do the easier work first and show them that they have gotten this far, they can go a little further till they complete the chore.

Political Correctness regarding school self-esteem programs that say whatever children do is wonderful help foment an illusion that will not be fulfilled later in life. Some self-esteem programs tempt the more capable to work at a slower pace because there is not special reward for competence. So as a parent you must watch out for this in the child's learning institution.

Understand that there is no talismanic language which will help every child, it is a combination of various techniques tailored to your child's unique set of circumstances. Sometimes change takes place overnight, but sometimes it may take months or years.

There is hope in the future. Procrastination stops creativity and stifles one from achieving their goals, but it does not have to be that way. What you are giving the child by helping them change this habit is the gift of a life of reaching their goals, dreams and aspirations.